最近寫的一篇文章,算是二月創下新生兒新低,
大家在討論時,我自己心中一直想講的話。跟大家一起聊聊。
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少子化這題,我自己至少生了三個。
自認這題我也沒有對不起誰,但也覺得有點話想講。
說真的,在台灣生小孩是一個很無奈的事情。
我老大的情況先不論,單論在兩個正常小孩的情況,
說真的你真的很難找到地方送托。
然後即使僥倖找到了,你還是有無止盡的接送,
各類的突發狀況。小孩在學校或者在保母那怎麼了,
永遠都有許多意外需要處理,出門永遠要煩惱
搭車嬰兒座椅怎麼辦,交通怎麼辦。
運氣不好碰到 COVID,碰到腸病毒停課,碰到諾羅,
自己的工作怎麼辦。你小孩生的越多,
被停課的機率就越高,我曾經有一年整整被停了三週,
我能怎樣,還不是去跟老闆拜託,去想辦法喬事情。
特別是雙北都市區的家長,這邊房子貴的要死,
租也很貴,多一個小孩就得多準備空間給他們,
寸土寸金的。
父母如果不雙薪根本撐不住,但一旦雙薪基本上
生活就是在工作的壓迫跟子女教養的壓力中折衝。
我自己勉強能養到三個,是因為我的工作型態
還算能夠配合,再加上我的收入明顯高於平均。
即使如此,說實話這些小朋友我都還是養的很辛苦。
有些人說,現在養小孩有育兒津貼很羨慕,
說實在話,那些算進總成本裡面都是杯水車薪。
至少在北部都市區我覺得是這樣。
然後我是不知道大家,到底對家長這個角色
有什麼期待,這年頭大家都小家庭,都基本上
難得重現我小時候那種整個家族的支持體系了,
再加上前述的關係家長還要奔波在工作跟育兒之間。
你以為回到家庭裡我還能有多少的體力跟精神
面對小朋友。
然後每個地方都把小孩當作什麼兇猛野獸,
去餐廳怕被投訴吵到別人,搭個高鐵要被舉牌
要寧靜車廂,三不五時要被罵不會教就不要生。
住的地方隔音爛被上下鄰居投訴還要煩惱
要怎麼搬家。
我常常就覺得阿你是多會教,一堆人嘴巴講
教小孩都頭頭是道,怎麼沒看你生一個來示範一下。
其實我覺得少子化是自找的。在這個年代,
你必須要很用力,才能讓人願意去生小孩,
而且我們讓這些生了小孩的人,覺得自己
真的是自虐的人才想生。
我的小孩當然是我一生的寶藏,每一個都是。
可是當你們在少子化危機中,把他們當成某種
支撐社會的工具時,能不能理解到,他們其實
在這個社會中目前是被嫌惡的存在,
不然這題永遠都沒完沒了的。
這個社會把家長們逼瘋,再來說為什麼其他人
不生小孩,這當然是毫無道理的事情。
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I have a dream, it's silly but beautiful.
I recently wrote a piece. After February set a new record low for births,
it's what I kept wanting to say myself while everyone was discussing it. Let's talk it over together.
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On the low birth rate, I myself have at least three kids.
I don't think I owe anyone anything on this, but I do have something to say.
Honestly, having kids in Taiwan is a pretty helpless thing.
Leave my eldest's situation aside; even with two ordinary children,
it's really hard to find a place to put them in childcare.
And even if you're lucky enough to find one, there's still endless pick-up and drop-off,
and all sorts of emergencies. Whether at school or with the nanny,
something always goes wrong that you have to deal with, and every time you go out you have to worry
about the car seat, about transport.
If you're unlucky enough to hit COVID, or enterovirus closures, or norovirus,
what happens to your own work? The more kids you have,
the higher the chance of closures. One year I was shut out for three whole weeks.
What could I do? I went and begged my boss and found ways to work something out.
Especially for parents in the Taipei metro area, where housing is insanely expensive,
rent is expensive too, and every extra child means preparing more space for them,
in a place where every inch of land is gold.
If both parents don't work, you simply can't hold on, but once both work,
life is basically a tug-of-war between the pressure of work and the pressure of raising children.
I can barely manage to raise three because my kind of work
is fairly flexible, and my income is clearly above average.
Even so, honestly, I still raise these kids with great difficulty.
Some people say they envy that there are childcare allowances now.
Honestly, counted into the total cost, those are a drop in the bucket.
At least in the northern urban areas, that's how I see it.
And I don't know what everyone expects of the role of a parent.
These days everyone lives in small nuclear families, and it's basically hard to recreate
the kind of whole-clan support system I had as a kid.
On top of that, for the reasons above, parents have to rush back and forth between work and childcare.
Do you think I have much energy or spirit left for my kids when I get home?
Then everywhere treats kids like fierce beasts:
at restaurants you worry about complaints for disturbing others, on the High Speed Rail someone holds up a sign
demanding the quiet car, and every now and then you get scolded with "if you can't teach them, don't have them."
If your place has poor soundproofing, neighbors above and below complain, and then you have to worry
about how to move.
I often think: just how good at teaching are you? Lots of people talk about
teaching kids like experts, so why don't I see you have one to show us how it's done.
Actually I think the low birth rate is self-inflicted. In this day and age,
you have to try really hard to get anyone to be willing to have a child,
and we've made the people who do have children feel that
only masochists would want to.
Of course my kids are the treasures of my life, every one of them.
But when you treat them, in the low-birth-rate crisis, as some kind of tool
for propping up society, can you understand that in this society they are
currently despised, or else this issue would never end.
This society drives parents crazy, and then asks why other people
don't have kids. Of course that makes no sense at all.
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I have a dream, it's silly but beautiful.